KUNDA STRATTA MONTOSA KANDA!!!

Let me start out by saying that I’m a BIG Evil Dead fan. I loved the original, the sequel, and of course the Army of Darkness! A pretty large part of my love for them had to do with the awesome Bruce Campbell. With that in mind, it should not be surprising that I have been hesitant about seeing the new remake of Evil Dead. Without him in the lead role, I couldn’t see it being anywhere near the original. After getting over that, which I must admit took a good amount of time, I realized that they were remaking the original, which was a straight up horror flick. I saw the red band trailer, and was then hooked. I wanted to go last Thursday night at midnight, but was way too exhausted to do so. I watched it this past Saturday, and I must say that I was happy with what was done.

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Come on in, I made cookies!!!

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!

I’ll start out with the story. There are certainly some major deviations from the original storyline here. The original was a bunch of kids on spring break who headed to an isolated cabin to party. The remake is about an intervention for a character named Mia, who is basically the same as Cheryl from the original, so that she can kick heroin. This gives a good enough reason for the others to not believe her when she gets foliage raped and possessed, since she’s detoxing. OK, I’m getting ahead of myself here. The movie opens with a guy, who is most likely supposed to be the professor from the original, about to burn his daughter in the basement in an effort to save her soul from the deadite possession. It’s a pretty sick scene, and sets up the movie well. When the kids first arrive, they see that the cabin (which belongs to Mia and her brother) had been broken into. A nice touch of fan service is tied into the beginning here. When you meet Mia, she is sitting on an old, abandoned, rusted out car. That car is none other than the classic! Well, it’s probably NOT actually the real classic, since Bruce has said numerous times that he wants to blow it up or something, but it’s the same make and model Olds. It was a nice touch.

The people who show up at this intervention are Mia (junkie), her brother David and his girlfriend Natalie, Eric (their childhood friend), and Olivia (another friend who is also a nurse). David also brings their dog, grandpa. Mia complains about a smell in the cabin, and they end up finding the basement. Odd that they didn’t know about it, since they grew up coming to this cabin as kids, but whatever. Turns out, the basement is where the opening scene took place, and it’s filled with dead cats hung up with barbed wire, and the necronomicon, which is wrapped in a garbage bag and bound with barbed wire. If you’re asking why the book was left behind, I have no idea. That part doesn’t really make sense. Anyways, Mia tries to escape after the detoxing kicks in full force, and at the same time, Eric reads from the book and unleashes the demon. Mia gets a little viney woodland action, and the demon starts to take her over. The rest of the flick is pretty much how the original went, with the exception of the ending. Don’t bother asking, I’m not giving that shit away at all. Just know that it doesn’t end the way the original ends at all. Also, stay after the credits for a super brief fan service scene. It’s all of 5 seconds, but it’s worth it.

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Watch Martyr if you wanna throw up from gore.

Now, onto other topics. Gore. Before seeing this film, I was told that it was incredibly gory. My friend’s girl actually had to leave the theater because she almost threw up. Unfortunately, I don’t completely agree. Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely a gory flick, and those unaccustomed to gore might find it a little rough, but it’s definitely not gonna make a gory top ten or anything. What I CAN say about the gore, is that it’s artfully done. All prosthetics and make-up, and not at all gratuitous. There was gore when needed, but it wasn’t overdone at all. In my opinion, it fit perfectly, and was pulled off really well.

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None could ever hold a candle to this man!

Next up, humor. Let’s face it, the original had some really hilarious moments. Breaking the boards over the girl’s head, lots of the dialogue, and most of the acting was pretty hilarious overall to those of us who are obsessed with horror movies. This endeavor had much less humor, but the little bit it had was pretty fucking great. I laughed out loud a few times, though some of them were during moments where other people were horrified, so I got some really interesting looks during the movie. Most of it was situational, with the exception of the Eric character, who, by the end of the movie, had me cracking up.

Finally, the scare factor. Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t really see this as a cheesy jump and scare movie. There weren’t many cheap scares, but the ones that were there were good. There was a fair amount of scares followed by some really gross shit, which was awesome. The combination really worked well for me. I could see people who get scared during these types of movies being a bit scared, but not as much as some others, in my opinion. Still, as I said, it was done well.

Honestly, I only have one issue with the movie. During the ending, some of the dialogue bugged me. It just seemed a little out of place and lame, sort of a throwback to the one liners from movies like Scream or I know what you did last summer. Apart from that minor gripe, I must say that I REALLY enjoyed this movie. It was creepy, gory, ridiculous, and super fun. I’d definitely see it again in the theater. It had enough of the original to give great fan service, and enough of its own stuff to update a true classic well enough to not have me hate it. I must say, I’m MOSTLY against remakes of awesome movies. Total Recall and others like it were pointless, and just made a mockery of the originals, which were awesome. Then, though, you have remakes like Dawn of the Dead and Fright Night, which in my opinion were fucking awesome and did good service to their source material. Evil Dead has now joined their hallowed halls. So, why the fuck are you still reading this? Go see that fucking movie or I’ll swallow your soul!!!

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