As if the kick in the nuts wasn’t bad enough…..

So I’ve come to the conclusion that I am only here to serve as a warning to others. I’ve been dubbed by a friend of mine that I am the 2%, since 98% of the time procedures like this go perfectly fine. With that in mind, I’ll let you all in on the second part of my lovely story. If you haven’t read part 1, please do so for context.

So the boys were still hurting at the end of the first week, and it was very uncomfortable to do pretty much anything but lay on the couch and not move. I ended up buying an athletic supporter (read: assless banana hamock), which actually helped out quite a bit. A few days later, the pain subsided enough that I could easily cope, while walking like a normal human again, and not like I just rode a horse cross country.

A few days later, I was comfortable enough to ‘check out’ the area. Upon examination, I noticed a fairly large lump on the left side, about 3/4″ in diameter, right near the incision. It was pretty tender to the touch, but nothing like the week before. I called the doctor’s office and told them I was coming in THAT DAY! This is when I started reading online to see what this could be. (I know, I know) This could be one or both of two things. An infection, or a granuloma. The granuloma would be caused by the tubes leaking sperm into the sac, and my body rounding them up like cattle into a mass. The granuloma could also take part in causing infection. The downside to granuloma would be that, if it didn’t go away on its own, then it would have to be removed and the vasectomy performed again.  WOOHOO!!! 2%

Before going to the doctor, I went to the bathroom. This is when I saw a spot on the supporter. I then looked at the incision spot to confirm. Infected. It looked just as you’d imagine it would, pus and all. I went to the doctor, and he looked completely shocked. He then told me that this was his first case with infection out of the past 500 he’s done. Fuck yeah, 2%! He gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way, but not before giving the mass a good squeeze to get some stuff out. My fear of incarceration is all that saved him….

I went home, took the meds, and the mass started shrinking. Problem was, the infection was still obvious. After inspection, I noticed something else. First, the wound wasn’t closed….at all. I could actually SEE inside. The other thing I noticed, was a small clear fiber, about the size of the thin plastic strand that secures price tags on clothing, sticking out of the hole a bit. This was definitely NOT the stitch, since the stitch was black and came out more than a  week before. I decided to be brave, and stupid, and pulled on it a bit. It came out without pain or tugging anything inside, covered in about an inch long strand of horror. I’m guessing this is what caused the infection. Unfortunately for me, I dropped it in the toilet and wasn’t able to retrieve it. 2%.

Since then, the hole closed up and hasn’t oozed much. Now here’s the rub. About 2 or 3 days after removing this, I ran out of antibiotics….and the mass isn’t completely gone. Now I’m waiting on my doctor appointment next fucking Monday before I can get an answer as to what is going on with all this, not to mention that the lump could still be a granuloma and blah blah blah. Fuck my life…

So that’s my story. Thank god I’m able to fuck, or I’d certainly have murdered someone already. This is what happens when you’re meant to be an example to others….and not in the good way….


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9 responses to “As if the kick in the nuts wasn’t bad enough…..”

  1. David DeMar says :

    Jesus titty-fucking Christ. I am never letting anyone near my balls with a scalpel ever. EVER.

    • Mr. Persona Non Grata says :

      To be perfectly honest, he didn’t use a scalpel. Just punctured a hole using some tool so it would only need 1 stitch. But yeah, I don’t blame you…..Just the thought of possibly having to go through this AGAIN makes my dangly bits retract like the cord on a vacuum cleaner….

  2. Jackie R. says :

    Just cut them off and be done with it. They’re useless to you now.

  3. Caitlin Edmonson Carroll says :

    Feeling the need to say that we have quite a few friends that had this exact same procedure, by the same MD no less, that had no problems whatsoever. I’m sorry you are the 2%, but didn’t you always want to be speshul? 😉

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