Sure to be a drill a minute…..

I’ve been suffering from sinus problems ever since I was in my late teens. It didn’t start out bad, just a touch of hayfever every summer that made me a bit snuffly. However, as time went on, it got progressively worse and worse. Nowadays, I constantly wake up with sinus congestion and a sore throat from the post nasal drip, which is just SUPER AWESOME! I also periodically get sinus migraines, which is basically like having somebody on the inside of my eyebrows with a dull drill trying to bore out through my skull and into the daylight.

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BENNY, SCREW YOU!!!

I’ve also been prone to chronic sinus infections. I get them so often, that I basically don’t even realize I have them until they get severe, so when I see my doctor because I’m “not feeling well”, he takes a look and runs from the room to put on a hazmat suit. All in all, good times!

It was only recently that I actually went to an ENT for this, since I really hate going to doctors. I was sent to get a CT of my head, and went back in for my consult. The doctor, who is one of the best ENTs in NY apparently, came in and said he had good news and bad news. OK, let’s pause there. To all doctors out there, this is a shitty thing to say to people who are concerned about an aspect of their health and have come in for CT scan results.

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Next, he takes me to the computer where their PACS program is and went over my scans with me. I’ll sum it all up for everyone here, since it can get specific. The good news was that they found something that is most likely a huge culprit of my chronic issues. The bad news….I need surgery.

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Now, the specifics are as such, I have a large bone spur in my nose, and over-sized turbinates. This means I’ll need a septoplasty and turbinoplasty. They’ll put me under, cut open the lining in my nose, and cut out the 7mm long length of bone that shouldn’t be there. Then they will go in with a laser and reduce the amount of flesh on the turbinates like carving a fucking turkey with a lightsaber

According to my doctors, and pretty much everyone else in the medical field that I’ve spoken to about this, I’m going to be in crazy amounts of sinus pain after the surgery. They gave me Tylenol with Codine for the pain, and said I should start feeling better in a few weeks, with full recovery taking between 6-9 weeks or so on the average. This is exacerbated due to my case being “the most severe” my doctor has ever seen, yet another thing doctors probably shouldn’t say, lol.

Now my main issue isn’t even the fact that I’m SERIOUSLY not looking forward to a weekend of horrible pain, it’s the fact that, according to all sources (my doctor especially), my voice is going to change. As many of you know, I sing in a band. It’s seriously one of my favorite things in the world to do. I won’t be able to sing for a few weeks following the surgery, and after that I will have to partially relearn some singing techniques since the change in my nose and airflow will be so drastic. I know that many people, my vocal coach most of all, have told me that I will most likely sound better afterwards, but I challenge any singer to go into a situation like this and not be nervous.

So there ya go. The drilling of my face will commence this Friday, and I’ll be laid up in bed the entire weekend, and possible a day or two next week. According to my doctor, I won’t look like a prize fighter after a fight, but I sure as hell will feel like one….

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4 responses to “Sure to be a drill a minute…..”

  1. David DeMar says :

    Damn, man. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now. That’s some serious shit, right there.

    Doctors can be such assholes, can’t they? It seems like even the best of them don’t know how to talk to patients without sending them over the edge. I still remember when my doctor told me, “well it’s not exactly benign.” In my head I was screaming like a maniac chimpanzee blasted out of his mind on massive amounts of meth and coke.

    Full anesthetic freaked me out when I went in for surgery, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had feared. They put the happy juice in your IV and you start feeling awesome – and then the next thing you know you’re waking up in recovery.

    • Mr. Persona Non Grata says :

      Dude, I can’t even imagine or fathom what you went through. I guess I really shouldn’t complain, considering how much worse shit could be, but I’ve never even broken a bone before so this is big by my frame of reference.
      They told me they’ll give me gas to knock me out, and then the IV and intubation and shit. It’ll be the first time anything ever knocked me out, and I’m not looking forward to falling asleep feeling good, and waking up feeling like Chernobyl post-meltdown….

      • David DeMar says :

        Yeah, waking up will not be happy, I’m sure. You’re going to feel like a Borg drone for a while – I know I did – just… save yourself a little slice of hell and tell them to take the catheter out BEFORE waking you up if they were planning to fitting you with one while you’re under.

        I don’t want to talk about it.

      • Mr. Persona Non Grata says :

        NO NO NO!!! No catheter for me! My procedure won’t be long, maybe a half hour or so. After that it’ll be my son’s bedroom, a sound machine, and a few weeks of wonderful misery.

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