FILMED IN CINEMAPHONIC QUADRAVISION!!!!

So I was sifting through movie trailers for upcoming films, in an attempt to properly plan my summer, and was reminded of something that makes me a bit irritated…the remaking of classic films.

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Please don’t rape a classic….

Lets face it, most of Hollywood ran out of cool shit to make into movies years ago. They prolonged their demise when they FINALLY figured out that comics made into movies is a great idea. Now don’t get me wrong, many of the comic-based movies are awesome, and I’m totally looking forward to the new Avengers flick, which is thankfully sans Uma Thurman.

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Seriously, WTF were you thinking?!?!

There are plenty of remakes in the works that I’m really not crazy about. It’s not that they don’t look like decent movies, it’s more about them being remakes of classics that are best left alone on their pedestals. They are remaking Total Recall for one, the Arnold sci-fi flick that kicked the 80’s in the teeth with it’s creepy mutants, gratuitous violence and gore, kick ass action, Sharon Stone in lingerie, and of course….the chick with three boobs!!!

Now they’re remaking it with freaking Colin Farrell of all people. I watched the trailer, embedded below, and it does look cool and the special effects are awesome. Still, I am honor-bound to resist liking it, since it’s a remake of a classic film from my childhood.

This doesn’t mean that I won’t end up liking the movie, especially since I absolutely LOVED the remake of Fright Night with Colin Farrell and the great David Tennant. It just means that I won’t be hyping it up until I see it and confirm it’s worthiness.

Among the remakes that are being talked about: Gremlins, Flight of the Navigator, Jurassic Park, Escape from NY, Drop Dead Fred, The Crow, Evil Dead, the list just goes on and on…

Why oh why must you keep remaking shit over and over?! Granted, there are exceptions such as Fright Night and Batman Begins, but for each of those you end up with a slew of movies like Planet of the Apes (Marky Mark), Halloween, Get Carter, The Fog, and the Pink Panther…

There is a silver lining, though, and that silver lining is made of Sci-fi movies, surprisingly enough. Movies like Pandorum, Super 8, Inception, Cowboys and Aliens (yes, I really liked that movie), Sucker Punch, and Transformers have really kicked ass, while the horizon looms with Prometheus, which I’ve fucking DYING to see!!! It finally comes to light that the “niche” genres are the ones with true innovation.

This innovation isn’t just for special effects, though, it’s finding cool ways to explore a good story alongside wondrous new environments and special effects. Let’s face it, Avatar was supposed to be this great incredible film, and I was not wowed by it at all when I saw it. The story was super generic, the characters were a pile of cookie cutter stereotype protagonists and antagonists, and it was just as predictable as watching Star Wars for the 23,098,470th time. It’s sad that a movie like that was a huge money maker and hype-fest, while others like Pandorum, which was FAR better, fall to the wayside.

Please, Hollywood, leave our classics alone. Reboots of franchises are one thing, like the new Spiderman, but if you try remaking The Princess Bride I’ll drive to each of your houses and poison you with Iocane powder. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to watch either Battle Royale and Ninja Assassin

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4 responses to “FILMED IN CINEMAPHONIC QUADRAVISION!!!!”

  1. David DeMar says :

    I was so conflicted when I saw that Total Recall movie trailer. On the one hand, it looked like a pretty kick-ass movie on its own; on the other, is it really going to be the same without creepy mutants and three-breasted Martian hookers?

    Then I saw you mention Flight of the Navigator. If that actually gets remade I may unleash a bio-organic weapon on Walt Disney Studios. Can’t they just go remake The Cat From Outer Space or something and leave my fucking childhood alone?

    • Mr. Persona Non Grata says :

      I completely agree with you. Taking the Mars and Mutants out of Total Recall is just as horrible as taking out the Magisterium out of “His Dark Materials” when they made The Golden Compass. It just neuters it. BTW, they’re also thinking of remaking others, like Goonies and Monster Squad….

  2. Jackie R. says :

    Got to the part where you said “Drop Dead Fred” and I near had a stroke and had to stop reading. I will never forgive Hollywood if
    They try to remake that with anyone other than Rik Mayall.

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