As I shit here, lonely hearted….

I’m bored. That usually means that I end up ranting on Facebook or fire anti-troll missiles on some gaming forum. Instead, I’m writing here. Not that the idea is different, just the location. So, time for just random crap….

I’m a big dweller on the past. When my mind wanders, it frequently does so into the days of old when the movies I love weren’t classics yet, and the world wasn’t outdated. It always seemed fine to me, remembering the great times, the laughter, the ‘firsts’ of so many things.

As I got older, some of the fondness turned to sadness. There were much less ‘firsts’ , and much more repetition. Not that it’s all bad, mind you, but it brought into stark contrast that the firsts will be much fewer and farther between. There was quite a lull, during which I did most of my introspection. I think back to the days when I’d watch movies all the time, spend an entire night just out rollerblading with my Walkman, or hanging our with some of my closest friends and raising hell. Whether it be seeing the Matrix for the first time, or playing garbage can bowling, so much in youth is taken for granted. I’ve scoffed at that statement for years, saying that’s just what bitter old fuckers say, and to some degree it’s true…just not for the reasons I thought. In my case, I miss not having responsibility, being able to risk my body without being crippled for days after. I miss the days when it was socially acceptable to be an absolute lunatic in public. That lull was an absolute bitch, but thankfully it didn’t last horribly long.

3 year ago, I had my biggest taste of ‘firsts’, and it started an absolute avalanche of them that I wasn’t completely prepared for. I had a kid. The world pretty much exploded for me. Apart from the new responsibilities and blah blah blah, the real shit started to happen and I realized WHY people don’t go insane and start wholesale murder during their 30’s to 40’s. It’s because suddenly life gets insanely crazy. I’ll explain.

Raising kids reminds me of what it was like to be one. Seeing life through a child’s eyes and watching them have their first experiences is awesome, even more so when you’re the one showing it to them. I can be at work and show someone something incredible that could change their life, and the feeling I get is kindameh…but if I show a child the awesomeness of a pinball machine, or how to make a whirlpool in the pool or bathtub, or how to read their own name, it’s infinitely more awesome.

Now I know what some of you may be thinking, here goes another one of those annoying fucks that probably posts 900 pictures of their kids on facebook while going on and on how awesome they are for knowing what a squirrel is by name. For those of you who feel that way, apart from being wrong, you are missing my point. The point of all this is that so many of us look back on the past and wish we could be there again, to live our lives over and revel in the joys and freedom of youth, and spend so much of our focus on shit like that we miss living our present lives. Of course your life is boring, because when you were a kid you weren’t thinking how awesome it was when you were 5, you were going out and fucking shit up and LIVING! Having a kid was my catalyst. It woke me up to the reality that I didn’t live in the present enough, and more importantly, that I should. I had my wake up call, and now things are better and more exciting than they were before. The responsibility sits on autopilot, and I’m more concerned now with what my kids will be like during there first trip to Disney than how awesome I was in my 20’s. I heard my wake up call, keep an ear out for yours if you haven’t heard it already. And when you hear it….listen!


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