Apparently, St. Valentine was an asshole….

So here we are….Valentine’s day. Honestly, I never like Valentine’s day. I’m sure this has quite a bit to do with the revulsion I got from the opposite sex until I went to college, but whatever. The holiday is fucking bullshit.

Having the one day a year to show your partner or spouse that you love them and care, is horse shit. It isn’t necessary, because people should appreciate who they have all the time. Whether it’s the girl you’re dating who treats you right, or the wife who tends your kids and home and makes it a great place to come home to, it shouldn’t matter. This also goes for the ladies, who should appreciate the guy you’re dating who treats you right, or the husband who takes care of his family with love and compassion. Appreciate what you have, all year round. If you don’t, then you don’t deserve what you have.

Now, when I was younger, I worked at a movie theater. At this point in my life, I was in college, and was almost perpetually single. I HATED Valentine’s day, since it was just a hot searing knife in the guts to be at work and see nothing but couples coming in and being cute and blah blah blah. This added to my misery regarding the subject.

So, one particular Valentine’s day, I had a younger couple come up to the counter asking for refreshments (I worked concessions, if you haven’t already guessed that). They ordered their popcorn and soda, but this was the problem. While I was trying to talk to them and get their order out of them, they were constantly making out and groping each other and holding up the line. This is where I decided that I would be the karmic force that taught them a lesson in manners and appropriate behavior. It, of course, had nothing to do with my bitterness regarding the “holiday”. Nothing at all.

I filled up their order, and as I was talking back with their ginormous sodas and popcorn, they were full on making out in front of my register. I’m not sure what happened, it must’ve been something on the floor for sure, but I somehowslipped‘ and stumbled forward. As I did, I ‘accidentally‘ aimed the lids of the cups at the lip-locked couple and squeezed with all of my might and rage….out of reflex, of course. I also ended up tipping the popcorn at them. In the end, I stood standing in front of a young couple, standing in shock, disbelief, and fury, both of whom were soaked in cold soda and covered in salt in popcorn. It was sort of like a modern tar and feathering. The gentlemen lost his mind and tried to grab me over the counter. I dodged away, and he was grabbed by security. The managers spoke to him and they ended up with some free stuff, which is fine by me, since I ended up with what I wanted….satisfaction.

The moral of this story is this. You can appreciate and love and be affectionate to your partner all you want, but don’t be a couple of rude fucks about it. Have some class, or you’ll end up regretting it someday. Happy Valentine’s day!

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One response to “Apparently, St. Valentine was an asshole….”

  1. Tommy says :

    Awesome! Wish I could have been at the theater for that!

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