Tattoo the earth…..on my ass…

So I’m watching this ridiculous reality TV show called Ink Masters. Now I know what many would say, “oh that shit is just staged and bullshit and will rot your brain faster than watching the debates during the republican primaries”, and I don’t deny it. That’s why I usually don’t watch them. I’m watching this one because one of the artists is Tommy Helm, who my friend goes to, and he does insanely sick work.

Anyways, watching this show and listening to some of the tattoos the people who are on it want, reminded me of tattoo gripes I have, and elitist opinions I have on the subject. Let’s face it, tattoos are a HUGE part of American culture now, and tons of people have at least one. I don’t have problems with them being popular, per se, and I have absolutely no issues with people getting them. My gripes are these.

If you’re going to get a tattoo, the first important thing is to have a fucking reason. To get one just to get it, is absolutely retarded. Any image tattooed onto your body should be thought out and wanted for reasons that have nothing to do with “looking cool” or “being a badass”.

Also, if you’re getting a tattoo, make it something meaningful. Something that has meaning in your life, or reflects you as a person. Getting the Tasmanian Devil lifting weights or a strand of barbed wire around your bicep, looks absolutely ridiculous. You might as well just have the words “I wanted this to try and look cool” tattooed on you, because that’s what people will think when they see it. Barbed wire around the upper arm screams “I pick things up, and put them down” in the same way that Taz with bugs bunny’s head and an ax screams “I’m a tool and got this while drunk, after lifting weights”.

Girls, you aren’t immune to this. Lots of girls get usual girly stuff like vines and flowers. That would be totally fine, if you at least researched the meaning behind some of the flowers you get. Getting poppies because they look nice is fine, until you realize that they mean consolation…as in here’s a tissue as a consolation prize for a poorly thought out tat.

And as long as I’m on the subject of poorly thought out, what the fuck is with people and meaningless tribal tats?!?! Tribal tattoos are a staple of many cultures, usually denoting either someone’s place in society or their accomplishments as an individual. In America, though, 90% of tribal tattoos are meaningless black shapes drawn up either by the tattoo artist or his client in an effort to look badass or tough. This pretty much demeans the entire culture that these types of pieces came from. Tribal tats were often pieces that were put on warriors, which is kind of where these people think they fit in. Sorry bro, but lifting weights, getting into fights at clubs over some guy looking at your girl funny, and overcompensating for your small dick, doesn’t make you a fucking warrior. It makes you the Incredible Hulk of losers.

Granted some people will completely disagree with me on some of this stuff, and that’s nice. You can disagree while trying to hold on to your dignity, but we’ll still be laughing and pointing when you turn around.

My whole point here, is to put some meaning and thought into the decision to ink your body. I just feel that getting something meaningless just to look cool or sexy or whatever, shits on a culture that originated from meaning out of art on the body.


I forgot to mention the incredible importance of researching a tattoo artist. Talk to people who have really nice tattoos, look at the books in the tattoo studio with their artwork and pictures, check online, etc..

This is kind of what I mean about seeing the difference between a good tattoo and a bad one.

This is a very bad tattoo. Look at how bad the lines are, how the outline is not straight, and where you can tell where the artist stopped and started. It should look more like this:

This is more of what you want. The lines are pretty clean and the shading is good. It’s not perfect, but I’m just showing this for basic instructional purposes. An even better comparison is with popular images. And who is more popular than Captain Jack Sparrow.

Who the fuck is THIS guy?

This is now what he should look like.

I make women’s panties evaporate.

I do it too….

These are awesome. The detail and shading is ridiculous, as well as the color in the first good one.

The Ugly, the bad, and the good…

You get what you pay for….

Keep this stuff in mind when shopping. Nothing looks worse on you than a bad tattoo, not even a Kardashian…..


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One response to “Tattoo the earth…..on my ass…”

  1. David DeMar says :

    Having a Kardashian is kind of like riding a moped: sure, it’s fun, but you wouldn’t want your friends seeing you do it.

    Having a bad tattoo is like wearing a hat permanently glued to your head that says “I’M AN IDIOT.”

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