I’m rubbish at creative writing…

So Mr. David Demar, whose blog you should all be following since it’s a thousand times more interesting and entertaining than mine, gave me a mission. To use this random movie tagline generator to come up with a ridiculous tagline, and write a short blurb about it. I did so, and it came out rather ridiculous. I’ll post it here, but keep in mind that this is all in jest, and I’m not nearly as horrible as it may seem after reading this, lol! Anyways, here you go!

Tagline:

In an empire of mystery, in a time of suffering, three mobsters and a witch-hunter search for a mysterious treasure and combat a syndicate of ninjas.

An unlikely bunch of heroes seek the fabled Tabernacle of Triste, wherein lies an all powerful artifact said to grant men the ultimate power….the power to understand women! Their only problem, the Tran Clan, a clan of transvestite ninjas seeking the keys to understand who they someday hope to be.

The fellowship of mobsters and an aged witch hunter, seek the prize for their own personal reasons, but need each other’s expertise and information to solve the complex puzzles that lead to the Tabernacle’s hiding place. In a world controlled by women with incredibly hairy armpits, whose nether regions are reminiscent of Buckweat caught in a leglock, these men face adversity the likes of which have never been seen this side of pointless fiction. Witness them seeking to obtain the prize, to finally uncover the secrets of the greatest mysteries in the universe. But will the clan allow them to even get close? Constantly pursued by the Empire’s personal guard, the Red Week Elites, and trailed by the Clan’s finest ninja assassins who threaten to eviscerate them with their razor sharp fondue sets, the fellowship pushes on towards the prize, knowing that any moment could be their last, dooming them to be turned into horrid fondue, or worse, trapped in a cell watching Oprah and Ellen until they lose what little sanity they have left….

This is a classic tale about coming of age against great adversity, written by the famed Russian misogynist author Boris Tearertitsoff. Boris lives in Siberia with his dog Steve, in the basement of his wife’s parent’s house. He is allowed human contact at least once a week, when he needs to do his chores.

Well, that’s it….bring on the hatemail!

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4 responses to “I’m rubbish at creative writing…”

  1. Mr. Persona Non Grata says :

    BTW, I DID say I’m an awful writer, so please hold back the “a five year old with tourettes write better after drinking a case of red bull comments” for a later date….thanks!

    -Management

  2. David DeMar says :

    Oh god…

    What is this I don’t even

    WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE!?

    I laughed, harder and longer than I probably should have, at this. It’s fucking hysterical.

    Everything after “clan of transvestite ninjas” is kind of a blur. Kudos to you, good sir, kudos indeed!

    • Mr. Persona Non Grata says :

      LOL, I’m glad someone got a kick out of it. The tagline was so ridiculous that I just let the stream of consciousness fly, resulting in a mess of pointless and ridiculous incredulity. Needless to say, I’ve been having a rough day…lol

      • David DeMar says :

        You’ve got to cast the movie, now. I’d say Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse as the mobsters, with the witch hunter played by Ron Perlman.

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