And now for something completely awkward

Have you ever been in this situation? You meet someone, or start talking to someone you only know as an acquaintance (this includes coworkers), and you bring up something you know a little bit about just to make friendly conversation. You then realize that this person knows a ridiculous amount on the subject, and goes into such detail that you immediately get lost and/or confused. This inspires the old fight or flight response, since you’d much rather ‘accidentally’ kick them in the junk, fake a sudden onset of illness, or simply run away screaming, rather than stand there feeling and looking like a moron. Then, as you stand there looking pleadingly at others around you, psychically imploring them to rescue you from a situation as comfortable as a dinner date with Hitler and Seinfeld, you realize that very few people will actually choose to rescue you from such situations.

This is why 2 things should happen. One, you need to develop a close enough relationship with others so they catch on to your apparent distress and ride to the rescue, or two, to silently plan the revenge against the one trapping you.

I find the best way to accomplish the latter, is to find something someone ‘thinks’ they know a lot about, and then arrange a conversation with an expert. Having said expert in on it helps incredibly. Then, when they start spouting their inane verbiage in an attempt at proving their awesomeness, you have Mr. expert there to rip them down and expose their ignorance to all. This provides me with great joy, and should be tried at least once, just like skydiving and grab-assing a supermodel.

Unfortunately, if the person really DOES know what they’re talking about, the only way out is to keep a water balloon in your pocket and burst it during the conversation. Then, as you flee the room, they’ll inevitably decide they’re better off avoiding contact and conversation with the incontinent fool who pees himself in public….


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4 responses to “And now for something completely awkward”

  1. David DeMar says :

    Someone I know got one of those know-it-alls good. He was the kind of person who would never admit to not knowing something either, so when my friend came up to him and asked, “Hey, man! How’s it going down at the felchery?” the schmuck was all over it.

    “Oh, things are great, they’re real happy with my work ethic and everything, thinking about promoting me to a manager position,” and so on. All because the idiot didn’t know what “felching” meant. Good times.

  2. Mr. Persona Non Grata says :

    LMFAO!!! That’s fucking awesome!!!

  3. Tommy says :

    What if the person who thinks they are an expert and really isn’t actually listens to the expert when corrected and learns from that person? Backfire?

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